Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The power of my boobs compel you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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