Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
