It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
