It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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