Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
