so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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