i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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