Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
