For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize