On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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