I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
