Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
