I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Of course I have a pirate flag
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
