Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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