Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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