I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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