Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
