woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
