I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
