He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
