The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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