i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
