false alarm. still invincible.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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