I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
