Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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