If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
