standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
