i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
