I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize