So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize