Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
