Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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