just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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