the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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