It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
