Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
