so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
