I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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