I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
