I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
