I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
