what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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