fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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