i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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