Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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