so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
