Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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