From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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