Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
