I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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