you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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