i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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