Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
