She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
