12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
