How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
