help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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