So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
