Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The air was thick with penises
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
