i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
