MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
