woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
