well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
