Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
