How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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