That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
