okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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