If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
