are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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