just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize