Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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