I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
