True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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