I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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