guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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