She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
