you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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