I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
