You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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