note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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