Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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