She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
