woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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