He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
