Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I deserve this hangover.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
