I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize