I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
