i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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