i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
